burgrs:

youve been stopped by the cutie police please step out of the car [kisses u on the cheek] have a good night

thevulcantimelord:

When your celebrity crush explains what they want in a relationship:

jaclcfrost:

jaclcfrost:

one of my main nicknames courtesy of my family is “emmy” and my uncle was like “what if you marry a guy named anthony whose nickname is tony then you’d be emmy and tony” 

and then “what if his last name was award”

and then my cousin put in “if you have a son you could name him oscar”

emmy, tony, and oscar award

oh my god

time-lord-swag:

“Superman dat hoe.” -Soulja Boy

Normal person:
*bites lips*
*flips hair*
*winks*

Me:
*seductively eats a french fry*
*chokes*

sherlocksmyth:

sherlocksmyth:

QUICK QUESTION WHY THE FUCK AM I THE LOG IN SCREEN?

Thanks guys. 33 notes later and I still don’t know why the fuck I’m the log-in screen.

meladoodle:

*runs up to newborn baby* ARE YOU PAYING TOO MUCH FOR YOUR CAR INSURANCE

grinninggwynplaine:

there is so much potential for comedy gold right the fuck here and you aren’t even trying tumblr

jakemalik:

jakemalik:

jakemalik:

I’m going for a run everyone wish me luck

update: cars are all honking at me I don’t know why

no no no that definitely can’t be it

I love sleeping to avoid problems.

cryingjessepinkman:

you know who’s cute? you

you’re cute

meladoodle:

i honestly could not date someone who wasn’t funny